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Trump billionaires to the rescue!
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Trump billionaires to the rescue!

The billionaires are fed up.

Ordinary politicians don't seem to have the $34 trillion national debt under control, so once Trump wins the presidential election and the American people finally tear the government apart, Donald Trump's billionaire friends say they'll roll up their sleeves and get it done that deserves it.

Elon Musk will take the lead and selflessly break away from the six companies he runs to trim the federal government. Also in the case: hedge fund boss John Paulson, who is patiently at the front of the line to become Trump's treasury secretary.

If Musk and Paulson need help, they can turn to venture capitalist Marc Andreessen, investor Peter Thiel, Wall Street titan Howard Lutnick and other stalwarts of the American aristocracy to do the bidding of the people.

Musk already has a model for reining in the unruly government: Twitter, which he bought in 2022 while promising to cut 80% of its staff. Musk has been so successful in shrinking Twitter that its value has fallen from $44 billion when he bought it to around $9.5 billion today. Musk renamed Twitter X, as in “Xed out,” to signal all the steps backwards he has made since purchasing it.

Elon Musk speaks to Republican presidential candidate former President Donald Trump at a campaign rally at Madison Square Garden on Sunday, Oct. 27, 2024, in New York. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)
He will do for America what he did for X? Elon Musk speaks to Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump at a campaign rally at Madison Square Garden in New York on October 27. (AP Photo: Evan Vucci) · RELATED PRESS

Voters can only dream of an 80 percent cut to the federal government and the services it provides. Anyone who answers the phone in a government agency can be replaced by a bot. Instead of fighter pilots, a volunteer force of cellar players wearing virtual reality goggles can do the job at a fraction of the cost. The obvious starting point is the IRS, where any auditors who try to catch wealthy tax cheats should be deported.

There might be a few problems. On a poster

“Sounds about right,” Musk replied, telling voters exactly what they wanted to hear: Pain is coming. But everything will work out in the end when all the laid-off people are retrained for life on Mars and depleted 401(k)s are converted into Trump™ bonds. Plus, Musk is the richest man in the world, so don't worry about him, he'll be fine.

As Treasury oligarch, Paulson will help Musk accelerate the disempowerment of the government. Paulson says he will “eliminate” the green energy subsidies that Congress enacted in 2022, which won't be a problem because Paulson is 68 years old and rich, and his plans are easy for the rest of his life can hide the effects of global warming. Musk may want to slip Paulson a note reminding him to maintain tax breaks for people who buy an electric car from his own company, Tesla.

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