In her upcoming memoir Master of Mine: The Secret to Controlling Your Narrative, Keke Palmer thought about the difficult breakup with her ex-boyfriend, Darius Jacksonand the complexities of their relationship as new parents.

“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through,” she wrote, according to her book PEOPLE. She added that the stress of “having a baby” was putting a lot of pressure on her relationship with Jackson. “It has always become a burden, not just with my romantic relationships, but also with family and friends. There are too many voices coming in. This can lead to everyone else not trusting you. It’s hard to explain,” she wrote.

The couple's relationship, which first became public in 2021, came under scrutiny in July 2023 after Jackson made it public criticized Palmer's outfit at a usher concert that sparked a viral discussion on social media. Shortly thereafter, Palmer filed a restraining order against Jackson, alleging incidents of domestic violence and seeking sole custody of their son.

In the book, the “Nope” actress said that the relationship wasn't all bad. “I wish I could say that he was terrible all along or that I was,” she wrote. “But it wasn’t so black and white, and that was the problem. I didn't want my son to think his father was a monster because I don't.” However, Palmer believes finding peace and forgiving Jackson was a necessary step forward, adding, “I am so proud of him and happy for him.” Jackson recently joined the military, a move that Palmer believes has put her in a better place.

Palmer and Jackson's relationship began with optimism and hope. “When we met and fell in love, it was like, 'Now is the time.' This is not only the person, but also the right time. It was a conscious decision. We were planning on (having Leodis),” she told PEOPLE in the following interview.